Becoming A Free Spirit

     "New year, new me" is a phrase I've ironically said around New Years for several years now. Statistically, most people fail their New Years resolutions by February, or so I've heard. Knowing this I've never put too much though into making any resolutions since grade 8, when I had the resolution to stop eating meat for 30 days (something that's stuck around for 8 years now, so I guess I'm the exception...).  Instead I opt to make goals. Goals are great and all, but I have this habit of staying the same while I cross them off my list. I tend to stay stagnant, safe. I fall into a constant state of overthinking and procrastination. In return I never really get around to crossing off as many goals as I had hoped. I go back and forth with myself on how I'll do something, or when I should do it, but I always miss the most important step; actually doing it.  This year, I want to make actual resolutions. I've spent a lot of my time lately thinking. ...

Ever since having my quarter-life crisis I've been go go go trying to accomplish everything all at once. I just want to be out 24/7, always doing something exciting. But that's when burnout happens. I've definitely experienced burnout a few times. Last winter I was going out with friends almost every single day, before work, after work, on my days off. It felt really good in the moment but after a month or so of doing that, I began to feel exhausted. I needed balance. I needed some self-care. That's the thing with goals and dreams. You're never going to reach them if you don't take care of yourself along the way on your journey. But what exactly is self-care? It's just facemasks and bubble baths, right? The media often portrays self-care as something you can just do once in a while when you need it. Like a singular activity such as putting cucumbers over your eyes while you're in the bath. And then that's it. suddenly you're calm and refreshed. ...

 Honestly, I have no  idea how to even start talking about this. And I didn't the first time I told someone about it either.  We have all probably heard of a mid-life crisis. Someone in their 40s starts to question all of their life decisions and stereotypically goes out, buys an expensive sportscar, or starts dating someone half their age.  Now I didn't make any reckless purchases or jeopardize my loving relationship, but I definitely did experience the questioning my life and decisions part.  Thinking back, I don't even really know how it began. I started listing out all the things I want to do, all the things I haven't done yet. Then I started thinking about running out of time. About death. Death scares me. It always has. My earliest memory was way back in grade 3. I was with one of my best friends at the time. We were walking around at recess and somehow we got on the topic of her fear of death.  She asked me, "What does it feel like? Like you're just ...

 Hi. My name is Mckenna, nice to meet you! Welcome to Becoming A Free Spirit, my blog which will hopefully  one day be on an actual website rather than blogger haha. Over the past few months, I've felt a longing inside me which I've come to call my void. I want to experience all that life has to offer. I want to do everything; see everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! I have so many things on my mind, internal plans, and lists. This longing for something more started to take a negative toll on my life. Constant anxiety and worry about what I was going to do next, trying to fit all my plans into my busy schedule all at once. I felt hopeless, I felt exhausted. It was at a point, where I couldn't sleep at night. Now, my plans were not the sole reason for this. I had lots on my mind, but this was the base reason.  After a breakdown in front of my boyfriend, I realized (okay, I had lots  of realizations, this only being one) that in order to do all I wanted to do, I had to s...