Becoming A Free Spirit

 I saw a quote a while ago that has stuck with me since what is grief if not love everlasting? I think it resonated so much with me because over the past 2 years, I have dealt with a great deal of grief in nearly all aspects of my life.  I lost my father unexpectedly and suddenly. He was my best friend and one of my biggest sources of support. Losing him derailed my life in more ways than I would've expected. It's been 2 years since his passing and I still feel it's effects every single day. I got out of a toxic relationship that took up 4 years of my youth, years that were so formative to who I would become. I grieve the person I was before that relationship, before I developed all of my anxieties and insecurities. I grieve all of the energy and light I lost because of it.  I lost a friendship that spanned multiple years and phases of my life. Someone who I miss nearly every day. Even if I know that it was better in the end to dissolve our relationship, it still left a b...

 I've always been a relatively codependent person. I never liked ordering for myself, never wanted to talk to strangers, and I was considered "the quiet one" at school and family functions. Even into my early adulthood, I hated going anywhere alone. I'd ask anyone and everyone if they wanted to come with me. You soon find out in life that this can hinder your enjoyment of many things.  It seems near impossible to plan outings with friends. Some work full-time 9-5s, others part-time at odd hours. Some are in school always having to study, and others are even starting families. I found myself putting off the things I wanted to do and the places I wanted to go, solely because no one would be available or interested in going with me.  If I am being honest, I get major  FOMO. Both in terms of feeling left out if my friends hang out without me, and in the way of not wanting to miss out on life. I don't want to miss out on trying a restaurant before it closes simply beca...

This time of year always brings the act of reflection upon me. Reflection on the past year, my accomplishments, my failures, my growth. While I began to weave my thoughts through and around these ideas, I had noticed something I haven't felt in so long; I felt a spark .                                                                                                                               My father, who was my best friend, passed away in late 2024 and my world came crashing in. I was in my hardest semester and in a toxic relationship that drained all of my energy. I was angry all the time and I had lost all my motivation. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to leave t...