Becoming A Free Spirit

 I had a wakeup call not too long ago about my negative mindset. Not only was it affecting me and my personal happiness, but it was also affecting those around me and my relationships with them.  I've been dealing with this internalized sense of negativity for over a year, struggling with being able to feel happy and have genuine fun. I felt like I had tried every trick in the book to become more positive. The one thing I forgot to try though, was simply implementing a positive mindset!  Some might say it's easier said than done, and honestly, it is. I mean, it took me a year to figure it out. Once you do it though, it suddenly becomes so easy.  I remember back when I was in mid-late high school I had a permanent positive mindset. Everything felt so free and easy simply because I chose to be the "glass half full" kind of person. I never understood why everyone else was so pessimistic and negative in contrast. It was like people were trying to bring other's moods

     "New year, new me" is a phrase I've ironically said around New Years for several years now. Statistically, most people fail their New Years resolutions by February, or so I've heard. Knowing this I've never put too much though into making any resolutions since grade 8, when I had the resolution to stop eating meat for 30 days (something that's stuck around for 8 years now, so I guess I'm the exception...).  Instead I opt to make goals. Goals are great and all, but I have this habit of staying the same while I cross them off my list. I tend to stay stagnant, safe. I fall into a constant state of overthinking and procrastination. In return I never really get around to crossing off as many goals as I had hoped. I go back and forth with myself on how I'll do something, or when I should do it, but I always miss the most important step; actually doing it.  This year, I want to make actual resolutions. I've spent a lot of my time lately thinking.

 I knew what happiness was. It was in those rays of sunshine on my skin. It was in the breeze blowing through my hair, it was in the laughter of friends. It was in the comfort of that little silver jeep, and in daily morning walks. It was found in the holding of hands.  What happened? Was it the stress of assignments piling up? Maybe it was the chronic procrastination weighing on me, or perhaps the repetition of mundane tasks on the daily; the same breakfast, the same transit ride to school, the same music, the same room. Maybe it was the change in weather from sunny and bright to gloomy and dark.  Whatever happened, I feel as if I lost my happiness that I held oh so dear. I lost my adventurous heart, my spontaneity. I became hyper focused on the little details, how things have  to be. I could sit here and cry a river of nostalgia about the days where I used to feel happy. I could write about how dark and boring life has felt lately. I could talk about how I feel that I rarely smile no

    As the end of the year quickly approaches, I've been starting to think more about my 2023 goals list that I made way back in February. So far I've completed 13/23 of them.     I knew going into it that I probably would not be able to check off all of them this year, especially with me working and being in school full time. Despite those obstacles, I think I've made some pretty good progress.      I wanted to take a quick look at what's left on the list and see if there's a way to fit as many of these goals in over the next month and a half!  1. Go ice skating. Easy! I live right by an ice rink. I even own my own ice skates, they just need to be sharpened.  2. Drive-In. Okay so there is actually a drive-in theatre nearby to me. The problem with this one is that it never plays any movies that I'm interested in! It's also gotten super expensive, like $20 per person, when I could go to the actual theatre for only around $14 each.  3. Get my tattoo. I decide

Happy October first! October has always been one of my favourite months, and not just because it hosts both my birthday and Halloween…  October is when I first really begin to notice the season changing from summer to autumn. The leaves change colours and the cool breeze nips away at you despite the sun still shining bright. Warm tea and coffee become the drinks of choice and of course, pumpkins are everywhere!  It’s during this time I like to remind myself that just like the weather and the leaves falling off of trees, we too go through seasons of life.   Right now I'm in my season of learning to take life day by day. Reminding myself that I don't have to be out and about on some crazy expedition in order to be happy. I can feel joy wherever I am if I go into it with a positive attitude. I'm in my season of school work and productivity. If I'm honest though, I'm in my season of burnout.  I have to be working towards something to feel productive. Whether that's

 The ocean where I live is never warm. It's never even tepid. Lakes are rarely warm too. It could be a 30*C day and the water will still feel ice cold. It can make beach days uncomfortable because despite sweating on the sand, the second I dip my toes into the water my body will automatically retract. As human beings, we hate  being uncomfortable and will do anything to avoid it.  Teaching myself to be okay with stepping outside of my comfort zone has been a long road, and I'm not even 100% there yet. I've begun to walk the line of comfortableness and discomfort. Of course, I want to make the point that I'm talking about boundaries and comfort that are holding me back from things I want  to do, not things that I do not.  This begins with little things. Sticking my hand or even my whole head out of the car window. Going out and buying myself flowers because I like how they look in my room. Going to a restaurant alone. Hiking up a mountain in the dark for sunrise. Walking