Trying YouTube Again

 Like many tween and teens back in the 2010s, I created videos to post to YouTube in the hopes of blowing up and going viral. Actually, I’m not even sure if those were my intentions when I first started. 

My very first video was uploaded in 2012 to my first of many YouTube channels. It was a Littlest Pet Shop ice skating video that I filmed while staying at a lake house in the winter. The video had no real purpose other than I was having fun filming a video on my new iPod touch. I was watching a lot of LPS YouTube at the time which inspired me to play with and record my own LPS. I think the video is still public somewhere on the internet, but only TRUE fans will ever be able to find it…

And thus, my YouTube career began. One that’s still ongoing today, 11 years later. Now, to be clear, I was never “internet famous,” I think the most subscribers I ever had in any channel was 1400. But for a while there, I had a big community. I had recurring subscribers who would watch and comment on every video, I had fans follow my Instagram and other social media’s, I even had fan art and edits made of me! It was crazy to think that I was able to reach so many people and have an impact on them, even if it was only for a moment in time. 

My biggest channel was a collab channel with several other girls who had similar interests. That channel was my baby. I put so much time and effort into it, I nurtured it from nothing and watched it grow. After a few years, the time came for me to shut it down. We had all outgrown it and had ran out of videos to make. Most of us had our own personal lives to worry about since most of us were starting to graduate around this time. I tried making videos on my own channel that were similar to those on the collab channel. I forced video ideas that I didn’t actually want to do, just because I thought I’d get more views and more subscribers to follow me over to my personal channel. I started to hate making videos. Something I had a huge passion for, for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t fun anymore. By forcing myself to follow strict schedules and create content that would perform well, I took all of the fun out of making videos.

So I quit.

Well, kinda. It was sort of like a soft launch, but for quitting. I just posted less and less. I would start new series but never finish them. I would hype up my social media accounts with “new video coming soon!” only to never post it. I posted a few videos here and there, but I never came back full time, I was never fully invested anymore. Which sucked because I LOVE filming videos. I could talk to a camera for hours. I love making thumbnails, I love seeing the finished product I worked hard on, I love the sense of community. The only thing I didn’t LOVE was the editing. And mainly just because I never had a great editing software so I was never able to do what I wanted to with a video. 

After years of contemplating, I think I'm finally ready to make a comeback to YouTube. This time, with some changes. 

No schedule. I'm going to post videos when I want, rather than forcing myself to adhere to an arbitrary deadline. 

Content I like. I'm not going to make certain videos just because I think they will perform well. I'm going to make videos that I actually like and want to make. Something I can be proud of. Right now I'm really into my short little vlogs but who knows what I'll make in the future. 

I'm not going to be embarrassed. I remember when I first started YouTube, I promoted it everywhere. I tried to get all my friends to be a part of it, or at least watch. Overtime I started to become more self-conscious and care about what others thought. People I knew from school or work would find out and would make fun of me or tease me for it, thinking it was "cringe." This time I want to stay true to myself. I'm not necessarily going to go around work telling everyone to go watch my videos but I'm not going to let myself feel embarrassed. Anyone who actually cares about me will genuinely support me. And besides, I'm doing this for myself and no one else!

I've realized throughout my journey that I love to create. Art, blog posts, videos, etc. Even if I'm not the best at it. I heard in a podcast that you should do what you want even if you're not very good, because right now you're as bad as you'll ever be at it. You can only improve from where you start. 

If you're interested, you can check out my YouTube channel, Mckenna Cristine. Most of my old videos are privated so don't count on watching those. There's a few recent uploads including one from today, and many more to come. I feel like my camera roll is so full of content I've filmed but never gotten around to editing, but now is that time! 

Thank you to all of you who support me whether it's through this blog or my videos. I appreciate you supporting my dreams <3

Have a great day!

Mckenna :)