Becoming A Free Spirit

  I was never really a "book worm" growing up. I did the minimum daily home reading for school and always fudged my numbers on my local library's summer reading challenge so that I'd win the prize. On the rare occasion I did read for pleasure, it was always some girly graphic novel such as Raina Telgemier's  Smile  or  Drama . At least that was the case until quite recently. Last year in 2023 I had a goal to read more. I never made my goals very specific though (we've fixed that though, see my recent podcast episode!). I mainly did it so that I'd have something to do on my transit ride to and from school other than stare at my phone. My classmates would always comment on how I was always the girl with the book while waiting for class to start. Outside of school however, I rarely read. That's part of the reason why it always took me forever to finish even a short book. On average I would take a month and a half to two months to finish one ~350 page nove

 I had a wakeup call not too long ago about my negative mindset. Not only was it affecting me and my personal happiness, but it was also affecting those around me and my relationships with them.  I've been dealing with this internalized sense of negativity for over a year, struggling with being able to feel happy and have genuine fun. I felt like I had tried every trick in the book to become more positive. The one thing I forgot to try though, was simply implementing a positive mindset!  Some might say it's easier said than done, and honestly, it is. I mean, it took me a year to figure it out. Once you do it though, it suddenly becomes so easy.  I remember back when I was in mid-late high school I had a permanent positive mindset. Everything felt so free and easy simply because I chose to be the "glass half full" kind of person. I never understood why everyone else was so pessimistic and negative in contrast. It was like people were trying to bring other's moods

     "New year, new me" is a phrase I've ironically said around New Years for several years now. Statistically, most people fail their New Years resolutions by February, or so I've heard. Knowing this I've never put too much though into making any resolutions since grade 8, when I had the resolution to stop eating meat for 30 days (something that's stuck around for 8 years now, so I guess I'm the exception...).  Instead I opt to make goals. Goals are great and all, but I have this habit of staying the same while I cross them off my list. I tend to stay stagnant, safe. I fall into a constant state of overthinking and procrastination. In return I never really get around to crossing off as many goals as I had hoped. I go back and forth with myself on how I'll do something, or when I should do it, but I always miss the most important step; actually doing it.  This year, I want to make actual resolutions. I've spent a lot of my time lately thinking.