jumping into the ocean.

 The ocean where I live is never warm. It's never even tepid. Lakes are rarely warm too. It could be a 30*C day and the water will still feel ice cold. It can make beach days uncomfortable because despite sweating on the sand, the second I dip my toes into the water my body will automatically retract. As human beings, we hate being uncomfortable and will do anything to avoid it. 

Teaching myself to be okay with stepping outside of my comfort zone has been a long road, and I'm not even 100% there yet. I've begun to walk the line of comfortableness and discomfort. Of course, I want to make the point that I'm talking about boundaries and comfort that are holding me back from things I want to do, not things that I do not. 

This begins with little things. Sticking my hand or even my whole head out of the car window. Going out and buying myself flowers because I like how they look in my room. Going to a restaurant alone. Hiking up a mountain in the dark for sunrise. Walking behind a waterfall despite being so freaked out. And eventually, swimming in that ice-cold ocean water. 

I went to the beach with my friend a few days ago. It was such a hot day and it was perfect beach weather. We went in the evening and found a nice part of the beach to lie down. I'm always in awe of the ocean. It's so beautiful every time I see it, without fail. The waves crashing along the shoreline, the salty breeze blowing through your hair, the sand squishing below your feet. 

Once we decided to walk down to the water to swim, our toes were met with the cold salty water. Slowly we got our ankles in, our legs, our waist. Taking that full plunge in though? Not something we really wanted to do... 

It's far more windy down by the water. And a cool breeze makes you cold. Well, underwater you don't feel that breeze. The top halves of our bodies were freezing but the bottom halves already submerged were actually warmer despite the cold water. Finally, after spending what felt like forever getting acclimated, we took the plunge. It was the type of cold that makes you gasp the second you come up, but it felt nice. It sort of makes you feel accomplished; proud to do something you were scared of two seconds ago. 

I stuck with this mentality, or I tried to. I went camping with my other friend to a lake nearby. Despite our hot streak, the weather was pretty mild while we were away, even raining on our last morning. The lake water was, of course, freezing. Yet here we were, each day, running in. 

It took a while on the first day, and even longer on the second. But by that third morning, we literally ran in. Our fear of uncomfortableness was gone. It felt freeing, it made us feel alive. 

I'm not saying that jumping into a body of cold water will solve all of your problems and make you more confident or outgoing. I'm saying that we hold ourselves back from things we want to do all the time because of one common fear; being uncomfortable. See, real life lives on just that other side of that imaginary line in our heads. The line we don't dare to cross because our side is comfortable, safe, and unsurprising. 

I, however, have come to realize that I'm tired of an always comfortable life. I want the surprises and unknowns, I want to do things that scare me but make me feel alive once I try them. I want more running into cold water moments. I want real life. 

Here's to stepping into the unknown and uncomfortable,

Mckenna <3